For the person who noticed

Worried about someone? Here is what you can do today.

You cannot connect their bank for them, and you should not have to guess from a statement. You can ask, and you can be ready for what they say.

1

Ask them to share

You send a request with their name and email. They get one plain message about what you would see. They connect their own bank and decide. Nothing is shared until they say yes.

2

See the same screen they see

Confirmed gambling, prediction markets, peer payments worth a look, and a concern level with the reasons behind it. Nothing hidden from them, nothing added for you.

3

Have the conversation early

You get a weekly note even in a quiet week, an alert when something changes, and starters for the first talk, written for your relationship.

What you would see, and what you would not

The same rules apply to every partner, and they see them before they accept.

  • ✓Gambling and prediction-market charges, with the merchant, date, and amount
  • ✓Peer payments and cash withdrawals flagged as worth a look, never accused
  • ✓Their concern level, why it is what it is, and when it changes
  • ✓Whether borrowed money landed right before a gambling charge
  • ✓The protections they have put in place, as good news
  • ✕Their balance, their salary, their rent, their groceries, or any ordinary spending
  • ✕Their password, their private self-check, or their note to themselves
  • ✕Anything at all until they accept, and nothing after they pause or remove you

How to bring it up

Three ways to start, for the relationship you are in. From the playbook every partner gets inside.

“I saw a couple of sportsbook charges come through. I'm not upset, I just want to understand what's going on for you.”

“You chose to share this with me, and I appreciate that. Can we talk about what the last few weeks have looked like?”

“I'd rather hear it from you than guess from a bank statement. What's the honest version?”

  • Do not pay off, sign for, or consolidate their gambling debts. It removes the consequence and extends the problem.
  • Do not interrogate. Questions asked to catch someone out get defensiveness, not truth.
  • Do not threaten what you will not follow through on.

1-800-MY-RESET

National Problem Gambling Helpline. Free, confidential, any hour. For you as much as for them.

CallTextChat

When you are ready, two ways to start. Both end with them deciding.

Ask them to shareSend them a message first

A message you can send as is, or change to sound like you.

Text it